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My 2020 New Year Resolution

My 2020 resolution is to get my YouTube and Twitch channels up and running without letting life in general knock down my plans yet again. It seems like every time I have tried over the years to get into creating videos or streaming something has caused me to set those plans aside.

When I was 10 I watched Star Wars in the theater and discovered that I wanted to be a camera operator, unfortunately we moved out of the Los Angeles area and to rural Washington and my dreams of film making were dashed by a child’s naieve misunderstanding that all movies were made in Hollywood.

Years later I bought a used 8mm camera at a yard sale and tried again, but moving around a lot at that time caused me to be unable to actually pursue my dreams. There were a lot of hit and miss efforts in those years, a lot of research into film making and reading of books either at the library or bought from bookstores. I even got a couple of my nephews involved in some test efforts at creating short films, but in the end things happened and, as before, I set my goals of having a career in film aside.

My next effort came with a VHS camera that I bought. VHS opened a lot of possibilities and I had some plans of starting up a movie studio in Alaska for creating films. I had visions of eventually having a film lot that competed with the great film lots of Hollywood… and then the Miller’s Reach fire burned down my parents’ house. All the props I had built and my business plan, scripts I had wrote out… it all burned away and I gave up once again on my plans. For a time.

After we had rebuilt I got back to my plans and refocused them.I had a subscription to a couple of videoography magazines and was working on what I needed to do to start into a career as a camera operator when I realized I could make money as an online advertising copywriter. I set aside film for writing and made a good living for a few years as a writer. This lead to creating advertisement videos, some of which can be found on my YouTube channel.

Around this time I attended the Blog World Expo in Las Vegas. Vlogging and Podcasting were just starting to become a thing and I was going to start up a vlog and podcast to go with the blogs I was running at the time. I also rediscovered the 3D suite Blender not long after and settled in to make better videos… but… before I could get more into creating videos, my mother passed away and I set it all aside once again to begin being a full-time care provider for my father.

Two years later, as I was finally about to get back to creating videos, my father passed away and I set the plans aside as I fought to save my home. Moving from my home into a small 1960’s camper set aside a lot of my plans and I spent years trying to recover. By the time I was ready to try creating videos once again… my lost income resulted in a loss of internet and it was rather hard to create and upload videos with no internet access.

Later on I tried again, but… cell phone hotspots are not exactly a good way to upload videos and my living situation made even making them a challenge.

Then I found Twitch, I could stream from my Playstation 4 to Twitch and I began to try to run a twitch channel. Again, cell phone wifi. Every video looked like I was playing Minecraft. I resolved to get better internt in October and, well… when that failed to happen I… gave up.

I actually gave up on a life-long dream of creating videos, of being a cinemetographer, of making a living creating video content. 40 years of study and learning, watching YouTube videos on how to succeed with creating YouTube videos, reading books and websites on creating online videos… it was all for nothing all of a sudden because I could not see a way to do the work with the connection I had.

Last night, on the last day of 2019, I was distracting myself from falling to end of year depression by playing Days Gone. I had defeated a hoard of freaks and was on my way back to the Lost Lake encampment when I saw what I had thought wasa swarmer- it turned out to be a Reacher, one of the game’s more dangerous enemies. I tried to equip my melee weapon to fend off some wolves that had joined the fray, but the selection did not work right and I ended up attacking with my knife… which I continued to use in the fight with the Reacher.

I saved the video of the battle and decided to try to upload it to YouTube. It took all night and then all day, six differnet trys and two hours of babysitting the computer to be sure nothing went wrong, but I finally got the five minute video to upload and it made me determined, once again, to see my dreams happen. I might not be able to upload long videos or to stream good quality livestreams of gameplay, but I can get a five minute video to upload. I might be able to get a ten minute one to upload, fifteen might be pushing my luck since I have to actually sit at the computer and do nothing other than babysit the uploads, but I can manage five to ten minute videos.

And if I can manage to get a few minutes of video at a time uploaded… well, maybe I can make 2020 the year that I actually get my dreams to come true and I can start creating videos for a living. I can become a cinematographer as I had dreamed of being back in 1977 after seeing Star Wars in the theaters. Start small, and trust that Ican do better later on.

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